Salt Lake City Drinking Liberally

Promoting democracy in Utah one pint at a time.

June 30, 2009

Take a Good Look Outside – Crime Riddled Streets Start at Midnight

Some you God fearing folks such as myself may not be aware that sin is soon upon our fair state. You see, effective midnight tonight, our great state of Deseret will soon be barraged by unseemly individuals who want nothing more than to take down the very fabric of our society. They claim that they are just trying to improve our image to the outside world – but I know the facts.

You see, at midnight tonight, people would be able to simply walk into a bar and get a drink! Yes, a BAR, not a Private Club for Members (an already intolerable institution); this fine state will be flooded with drunkards who want nothing more than to rob our homes and kill our children – I just know it.

Before we were at least protected thanks to the “private club” aspect of these dens of inequity. The $5 membership fee made would-be criminals think twice before picking up that first drink. Now, they can spend that $5 on what I can only assume is 5 shots of the hardest alcohol you can get, stumbling out much sooner and wandering our gated communities.

But now, now, they can just pony up to the devil and order a drink! These so called “adults” will loose all control without the fine guidance of our very reasonable laws.

What is even worse is that children (I presume) will be able to walk in with out people so much as batting an eye. Where is the control people? Where is the duty to protect our children from reality? Where does it end?

I hear these same sinners want them to put two or more ounces (what users call “shots”) or more of alcohol into their drinks – claiming that some drinks can’t be made because of a recipe. Boy, howdy, sounds like they are cooking up hard-core drugs.

But, alas, the users have won. I, for one, will be having a tall cool glass of water tonight as I sit out on my porch and watch the world inevitably come to an end.

Original post can be found at Blue in Red Zion.

by @ 2:10 pm. Filed under Humor, Local Issues

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